Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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