Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
