so that wasnt chicken after all
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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