he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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