Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
