I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize