found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
