um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
