i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize