Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize