nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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