I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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