i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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