girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
