hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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