Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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