Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize