My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
