why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
