Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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