the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
