Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
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He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
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I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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