Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It's never too late to be topless.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Randomize
