Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
