Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My liver just had a heart attack.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
