I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
