And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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