1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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