you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
