My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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