Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
