She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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