im so drunk with asians
where?
always
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
