I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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