A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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