im drinking this country out of the recession.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
