I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
