I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize