ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
