she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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