Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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