Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
