I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Buhtt sex?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
