He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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