i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
