I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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