I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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