i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
it was like having sex with a tree stump
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
i now understand why vodka
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
