Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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