It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
