omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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