My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
