I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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