I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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