I smell stomach acid.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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