bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
