I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
