i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
