Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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