You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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