i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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