No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
