She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
