Can Purell be used as lube?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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