She said her name was "party"
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
