almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
